Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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