butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
