so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
