AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
