Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
