Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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