you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
