just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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