Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
