We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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