Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
