I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
