Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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