I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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