Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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