She is in my trunk
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
