i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
