Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
