well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
