You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
