I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
