I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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