So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
