Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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