My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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