I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Randomize
