i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
