i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
