Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
