4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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