On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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