its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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