can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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