So drunk its hurt
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
