mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize