I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
