Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
