winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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