her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
