we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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