she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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