I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
