so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
