I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
