i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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