I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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