so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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