No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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