Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
