No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
