it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
This girl is more easily done than said...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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