i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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