i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
