My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
