A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
