ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
