Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
