I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
