pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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