i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize