Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
