I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
