The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I smell stomach acid.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
