Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
