Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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