um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
