We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
