that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
