I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i think i have two assholes
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
