I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This can only be settled by a dance off.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
