imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
