Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
