It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
