I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
