Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize